The Dichotomy of Control

In 2019, I hit rock bottom.

I remember the moment as if it was yesterday. I was sitting on my couch, staring at my bank balance, my heart sinking. My business had been failing, and due to insufficient cash flow, I had been paying staff salaries from my credit card. I clicked the approve button, completed that month's salary transfer, and immediately received an alert informing me that I had maxed out my account. I was officially broke.

Life doesn't always work out the way we plan. I had made a lot of noise about how successful (and rich) I would be, yet here I was, facing financial ruin. Over and above the business failure, I had lost one of my beloved dogs to a sudden and aggressive cancer. My business partner and I, once close friends, had a tense relationship. My wife and I, usually the best of friends, wrestled with the pressure that financial distress and the resulting distraction can impose on a couple. Embarrassed over my failures, I gradually isolated myself from friends and family to process everything. I had no one to turn to for advice or support.

As I stared at the red figures on my screen, I cried for the first time in months, crushed under the enormous weight of my circumstances.

Around this time, I came across Stoicism, a philosophy of life that Tim Ferris mentions in his TED Talk on Fear Setting. Intrigued - and desperate - I delved into researching the philosophy. At its core, Stoicism helps us embrace the dichotomy of control: what is in our control and what isn't. The premise is straightforward: concentrate on what we can control and disregard everything else. As Epictetus, the slave-turned-Stoic philosopher, put it:

"Some things are within our power, while others are not. Within our power are opinion, motivation, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever is of our own doing; not within our power are our body, our property, reputation, office, and, in a word, whatever is not of our own doing."

Hitting rock bottom is painful, and I would wish it on no one, but it does bring clarity on what is truly important. For the first time, I stopped blaming everyone and everything else for my predicament, accepting my role in getting me to where I was. Many external factors influenced my situation: the economy had started to decline, my business partner had disengaged from the business, and money ran out, but, ultimately, I made the decisions that led me here. No one forced me. I realized that if things continued as they were, and if I continued as I had, I would lose everything.

I confronted myself in the mirror that day, committing to change the course of my life around. Thinking about the dichotomy of control, I took out a piece of paper and drew two concentric circles:

• In the inner circle, I listed what was in my control: how I thought about myself and my situation, what I would say to my wife, staff, customers and business partners, and the actions I would take to turn my life around, like contacting the accountants, initiating business closure procedures, reaching out to my consulting network for leads, and so on.
• In the outer circle, I listed what was not in my control, which was a much longer list: how long the business closure would take, how people would react to my entrepreneurial failure, whether my network would have any leads, and so on.

Embracing the dichotomy of control and focusing on the items in my inner circle helped me navigate the most challenging period of my life (to date), but it wasn't easy. There were inevitable moments of further pain and despair, such as when I informed my business partners of my decision, issued the retrenchment letters to my staff, or signed the paperwork to deregister the company I had dedicated the last few years of my life to. Although I've gotten better at it over the years, I still occasionally find myself worrying about external factors: our heating planet, the outcome of a significant work project, or potential traffic en route to an important meeting.

Life is complex, and some circumstances outside of our control can significantly impact our lives. We may face financial ruin, a health scare, or losing a loved one. During these times, it's important to remember the essence of Stoicism: accepting the things we cannot change and focusing our energy and attention on how we respond to these events. Marcus Aurelius, once a powerful Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher, wrote:

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

Suppose you, dear reader, are going through a hard time. In that case, the best advice I can offer is this: acknowledge your feelings, accept your circumstances, and narrow your focus down to the immediate actions you can take right now to move forward.

Whether we achieve our wildest dreams, overcome a health issue, or make a dent in the universe is outside our control. So, don't concern yourself with any outcome; focus exclusively on your thoughts and actions. This dear reader, is the path to freedom.

Until next week,

Ric.

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